Feeling at Home

Being at home is different from feeling at home.

So, here I am, in a place too far away from home. In a place where going back home is not an option I can make without serious effects, where going back home is set on a given date as per contract.. Here where thinking of going back home means a lot of preparation..

Here where I need to feel at home to get through..

It’s been 10 months since I left home.. The hope of getting home by this year has almost faded, though I could still go, it is not advisable.

Simple?

I always thought and say to my self that I like simple things. But, what is a simple thing? Really? Is there anything simple? I’m not sure.. All I know is that every single creation is created with complexity because our Creator is all-powerful.

As for me, all I ask for is love.. Not material.. Be it with a kiss, a hug, or a hand to hold. A real love not spoken in words but felt by the heart. Maybe it’s too much to ask but when I think of it this is really what I want.

Love is a thing that bind us all human being.

Because of Love, I am alive. And for this reason, I should start with myself, giving out love instead of asking for love.

Though I like being simple, I am really not easy to understand, but I believe that the person who loves me would always understand.. Me, as me. I couldn’t be perfect and I couldn’t be somebody else either. But I do try to improve, and cope as I should not because of my own abilities but because of Him who gives His grace abundantly.

Am I disappointed when I don’t get what I want? Well, yes. But this doesn’t suggest that I should be. Remember, everything you need were already provided. Everything else not with you right now is either on the way, coming or not what you really need for the moment.

Liking Switchfoot :)

I just got a copy of Jon Foreman’s EP songs. When I listened to it, I just remembered why I like Switchfoot. It’s because their songs somewhat explains what I feel inside. Knowing someone out there has the same thoughts as me, probably the same experiences as me, maybe not exactly the same but at least, a part of it.

Their songs, tells a story (most of it I could relate too). I think their lyrics ain’t made to be just plain simple words but composed of deep thoughts of a deep sense of deeper meaning.

I’ve started liking Switchfoot I think back in 2005 or 2006 during “Nothing is Sound” Album. Well that year was the first time I heard their songs or heard about them.. And it’s not because of A Walk to Remember movie (though I did like that movie). It was after I started downloading Switchfoot songs that I came to know that theirs was the original Only Hope song. :D

I watched their concert in the Philippines, it was the first and only time I’ve been in a Band concert. And it was great, SF really did amazing in their concert.

Funny thing is.. The thoughts I had when the concert was about to finish came out in one of Jon Foreman’s EP. That is.. “I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone, I’m gonna miss you in your songs.” That I would really miss these guys knowing that they would leave after the concert and come back to their country. That it would take a long time to see them again (but hopefully still will). I cannot even want to think that the time would come that they will stop doing songs and retire.. But as Jon sang it, “Please, don’t talk about the end,” so, I’ll just look forward to more of them in the music buzz.

SF seems to be a simple band but rocks really hard, not much exposure but really made a noise in all the places they’ve been, in the hearts of all the listeners. For me, not typical at all. Peace out. :D

River

There’s a river in my eyes and it flowed through and through tonight.

My deepest thoughts and emotions are always carried by the waters. This is the reason why I like it when it rains, when the raindrops touches my face and hide the tears away. This is the reason why I like swimming, I could submerge my self for a few seconds and cry all I want and have an excuse why my eyes are red.

I’ve been crying all my life and somehow it’s been normal. I cry when my heart’s tremendously happy, touched or moved. I cry when I am sad, disappointed or angry.

There is a quote, it says, “If you want to get to know someone, find out the reason why he is angry.” As for me, if you want to get to know more of me, try to find out the reason why I cry. But don’t ask me, because answering and telling what I feel is too hard to do. Don’t get angry with me, because it would hurt even more.

No one is at fault when I cry. And I always been thankful when I could cry, that means I can still feel and that I have emotion still. I tried not crying, I stopped crying and it didn’t turn out well. Hard and cold is not good for me, that meant I don’t care and been swayed away from the right track. I guess I didn’t even care about everyone around me.. And concentrated on not crying, and pretending I am strong.. But in the real sense of it, empty.

But after a year or so I did start crying again, I missed it, how it’s always been a river. How words need not to be said, and let the tears carry it all. How as my eyes are welled my heart is also, and I feel relieved.

Field of Thankfulness

Nothing is impossible with God. :)

The blessing of God is tremendous.

How everyday He blesses us with another breath. How the sun shines and the wind blows. How food is always served at the table. How all needs were satisfied. How His healing power never fails. How He kept His promises.

Never failing, unweaving love of God, a warm embrace no one could live without.

Thank You for loving me.

Thank You for saving me.

Thank You for your grace.

Thanks and Praises to You alone forever.

At the Verge

Lot’s of thinking today.. Things to settle. Things to think over. Things to appreciate. And things to be thankful for.

Suddenly, moving has been a though thing to do.

During this time, I just want to see the sea.. Watch the waves and look over to the horizon. Or watch the sky and see how the clouds move around.. So that I could calm my mind.. Even for a moment. It’s my way of saying, “Look at everything around you created by the Almighty. Everything is beautiful. Everything is perfect. And everything goes according to the will of the Creator.”

I am so overwhelmed.. I would really like a day off.. A day of reflection. About what has happened and what I am now. What changed? What improved? Am I who I want to be? Cause.. All I want to be is to be the one my Creator wants me to be.. Glory by glory being changed into His likeness, into His perfect will, by His grace and power.

A picture really can say a thousand words.. And those pictures are in my head right now.. And I feel peace.. Not because I can do anything in my own, but all because God can to everything and nothing is impossible. It’s a matter of letting go of all the fears and doubts and letting Him take over. It’s about embracing the learning that God wants me to understand and stop thinking about the crazy stuff.

At the verge, but thankful. At the verge, but at rest. At the verge, but rest assured everything will be as God has perfectly willed. :)

June

Hmm.. Today is my niece birthday. I’m here at work so I’ll be calling there later, just have to finish some stuff I need to do.

So, what happened in June?

Hmm.. June is mission month at the church. I’ve been able to participate on M.E. activities, like in the presentation, we sang God of this City, then in the ushering and offertory. It’s my first time to participate during the Church service since I left the country.

Praise God for His guidance, the mission month went well. I know that He has a plan, and it’s always the best. We celebrated the Friends Day yesterday, then International Friends Day in the evening. There’s a lot for me to improve on myself so that I can be able to do more for the ministry, not because I have to, but because of the service for God. :)

This is also my 8^th month here in U.A.E., I spent 2 months in Dubai so it’s 6^th month in Abu Dhabi. Hmm.. Nothing to be sad about, being far away from home that is.. Though, I do have some serious time that I’m feeling homesick, but thanks be to God for his comfort and care for me here through the people he gave to me.